nwelch222

"so, i realized...you don't have enough internet stalkers..."

This is an interesting experience. I usually know what to say, but I can't figure out if it's a good thing or a bad thing that I don't have enough internet stalkers.

It makes me wonder how many internet stalkers would be considered "enough."

6?

This just made my life much more complicated.

(14? 2.7?)

"and i was wondering if you had an application for that sort of thing, and if so, where could i pick one up?"

I've actually sort of had this conversation before, and, if I recall correctly, it ended with me suggesting that members of the Cult of Rory should wear plastic bags around their feet so that they would be easily recognizable from civilians (this will make it easier for me to call on you during the uprising - I'll just drive my little red car through the streets, looking for people with plastic bags on their feet, and handing them weapons (like sticks and stuff (or a paddle (<- saucy)))).

"i don't have a little red car, i have a little white car. but i also sing loudly (and badly) to erasure.
i'm pretty sure that's where i get my powers from."

Singing along with Erasure isn't a good/bad sort of thing.

Either you feel it, or you don't.

And Erasure makes me want to wiggle, which probably means I feel it.

I think you probably feel it, too. You seem like someone who can appreciate the finer things in life.


__________________________________________________________________________________

Dear juke joint jezebel,

Sorry I took so long to respond. I decided to take a break from the Ministry of Me to have an actual weekend where I went out and did things and put stuff in my body and ate things and saw people and was like all "Hi" and stuff like that.

"i'm pretty sure the standard number of internet stalkers for one of your prestige would fall somewhere in between 29 and 42.
so...maybe you should advertise or something."

You sound like you're all up on this stuff.

If you're looking for a job, I could use you. I need, like, a slave or something.

(Hey - I don't know if it's karma or what, but after I wrote that you could be my slave, I went over to make myself some tea and then spilled boiling water all over my hand. It hurts. I even said "Ow." I said it when there was no one else around. No one to hear me say "Ow." I said it anyway because that's how much it hurt.)

"also, will any plastic bags do? or is there a particular type that you think is most noticable from a distance? plastic grocery bags? ziploc bags?"

I run one of those open-minded-obey-your-master-at-all-costs-but-wear-whatever-kind-of-plastic-bags-you-want-to cults.

This isn't private school where you all have to wear plaid or something.

Just make sure it isn't paper bags. I said *plastic*.

"so, you don't really have a screening process? just any old random person can be a member of the Cult of Rory?
seems dangerous...do you get a plaque when you get in? or like...a button or something?"

Since my cult operates on ad revenue, I do let "just any old random person" join.

And, no. No plaques.

You might be able to get herpes from one of the other members, but that's about it. Whether or not that's as good as a plaque is your business.

"and another thing: we just started using MS Solomon at work for timekeeping. and i think it sucks.
as microsofts posterchild, i'd really like to throw some rotten fruit at you or something.
don't get me wrong, i still want to have all your babies and stuff, but still. solomon suxx0rs."

That's awesome. I don't even know what MS Solomon is, but I'm going to go learn about it and then explain to you in detail why you have to use it (it's usually something like "Your dick will fall off if you don't," but that clearly wouldn't apply to you).


______________________________________________________________________________________________

Been meaning to write back all day, but haven't had a chance. Been prepping for travel.

On the plane now. They're doing the pre-flight check. There has been a commotion about two people having the same name. Apparently, it's not cool for two passengers to have the same name. It confuses the computer, and that makes the SETI@Home thing run slower, and then all the power goes out, children die of starvation, World War III is started, and we all have to live the rest of our lives wearing homemade diaper-armor.

I have to go now. They're telling me that my phone will crash the airplane.

And I will comply for I wish this op to be a success.

I'm doin' it for you, baby.

For us.

To our new life - in homemade diaper armor.

----------------- Original Message -----------------
From: juke joint jezebel
Date: Feb 26, 2006 5:38 PM

so, you did stuff? like...outside?

...my god. why??

do you not have a good videogame?
as an esteemed member of the C o' R, i feel like i've really dropped the ball on this one...somehow i'm sure it's my responsibility to make sure you don't have to ever 'do stuff', and i apologize for letting you down on such a major level. i'll try not to let it happen again.

um. this is completely unrelated to anything at all, (which actually makes it in relation to the rest of anything at all by default since none of this has anything to do with anything...) but i'm listening to am talk radio, and they just said 'fuck'.
i didn't know they could do that.
actually, i'm pretty sure they can't. i need to find out who to report this to, because my virgin ears are completely offended.

so. where was i? ah, the burning.
actually, it wasn't karma. i used the force. i'm still in my first year at the jedi academy, and my 'mad skillz' are a little questionable at best...i meant to pour it on your head, but i missed. sorry about your hand. that sounds painful.

i'm rather pleased to say that i've just fashioned myself a hot steaming pot of pasta-roni (tm) and i didn't burn myself once. i burned myself twice. and i almost started the kitchen on fire. which is actually not a disappointment, because every other time i go in there, i'm successful in my inadvertent pyromaniacal attempts.
is pyromaniacal a word? i think it should be.

i'd be lying if i said i wasn't a little intrigued by the possibility of being in your employ...
i'm pretty sure i'd be a crappy slave...but what are the job requirements? i don't have any prior 'slave' experience, but i'm a quick study...i can't cook, even though i still try, because of my inherent inability to admit defeat...but i can clean real good. and i look pretty hot in one of those french maid get ups...also, i'm like 9 feet tall, so if you ever needed to get anything from a really high shelf, i'm good for that...let's see...what other tricks can i do...i'm pretty good with a pair of nunchucks...and i rule at driving to taco bell.
that's about it though. i can fax you my resume if you want...but you have to have a color fax because my resume is a page i ripped out of my pokey little puppy coloring book. and you'd have to have the color to get the full effect.

i have a cold. it's weaksauce. i'm pretty sure my head is going to explode pretty soon, and i don't want to get brains on my laptop...so...yeah.

(ninjas are way cooler than pirates.)

mein.

my girlfriend has been spending more time (digitally and otherwise) with my boyfriend than with me.

i am jealous.

and i feel un-needed.

like i was here to serve a purpose, and now that it is done, they all get to walk away.


fine.

go then.

so i've been doing random searches for the last um, hour. (yeah it's saturday, i'm bored) and i've come to the conclusion that livejournal users are completely insane. i'm obviously no exemption, as i am using livejournal...and based on my theory, i must be insane as well.
right on.
i've been watching baseball movies lately. i hate baseball. it's silly. kevin costner is growing on me. i resent that.
drizzle's 21 now...makes me feel better. i'm horrible at being 21. i don't drink...i don't think drizzle drinks either, so i don't feel so terribly alone anymore.
i need some coffee. i'm deluding myself with this tea nonsense.
bah.

i have no friends, but i'll do this anyway just to humor myself.
yay!

If you read this,
even if I don't speak to you often,
you must post a memory of me.
It can be anything you want, it can be good or bad,
just so long as it happened.
Then post this to your journal. See what people remember about you...

i have a huge adam's apple. only trouble is: i'm a girl. that's not right. i'm calling it my eve's apple from now on. frickin' giraffe neck.

that's all.

there. the spinning penguin is perfectly acceptable.
all better.

well...i thought i was leaving, and then i discovered the lil' bottom part of the update page, see it? it's right down there. oh, no, you probably don't see it. well anyway, there's this little bugger at the bottom where you can say what music you're listening to, and i wasn't listening to any music before so i felt rather left out...so i decided i should probably come back so i can say what i'm listening to. also, the mood thing confuses me. (if you'll notice, at the end of the last post, i was confused. there's a confused button. outstanding.) so, i actually had to look some of those words up. now, granted...i didn't get no college education - (note the creative use of a double negative, implying that i did indeed attend college...sadly, no, i did not, i just have a very poor grasp of the english language.) ANYHOO. so, i'm sort of bothered and fascinated by the fact that there are moods i didn't know existed...that's just...weird! and i'm also slightly annoyed that the moods 'calm' and 'ecstatic' are depicted by the same emoticons. someone should really do something about this. (i seriously almost forgot how to spell dictionary.) now, if you'll humor me for just one moment here: http://thesaurus.reference.com/search?q=ecstatic kay...go there. those are the entries for "ecstatic". if you'll scroll down just a bit, you'll see that "calm" is actually an ANTONYM of ecstatic. not a synonym. therefor, i think it is false advertising to say that one is ecstatic with a little calm smilin' dude picture next to it. it should be like a crazy messed up little smilin' dude with its eyes bulging out of its head. or something. that was just a suggestion. be creative. oh yeah, and that's right, i'm listening to roxette. bring it.

wow. i'm finally breaking my LJ cherry.
never thought i'd see the day. wicked awesome.
so, i only really got an account so i could have an identity when posting in other people'ses' LJ's...being anonymous just isn't all that much fun, and then i realized that in creating an account, i too get a journal...and well, i thought that was cool and all, but i don't have anything interesting to say...um, ever...but then i cruised over to my lil' journal, and realized: hey! it's saying i have no friends! and that was just depressing...and then it told me that someone made me their friend, and then it wasn't depressing anymore! yay! i have friend! having friend is the best.
yeah, we'll work up to the plural part. baby steps.
so, now, like, right now, i'm finding out that if you're not a girl between the ages of 14 and 16, you really have no business being here and reading things, or *godforbid* posting things...so, well, i'm gonna head out.
it's been real.